Daphne Does Derby

“I’ve been thinking about Gin Atomic’s skirt,” I said to Nico on the way back from practice.

“I know,” Nico says. “Half the bout writeup was dedicated to it, and you didn’t even put the score in.”

Not everything can go in the writeup. You have to pick and choose the most important information.

Breaking news on Gin Atomic’s skirt. Apparently the skirt belongs to President Garfield who loaned the skirt to Gin Atomic. I have been informed on good account that the small amount of fabric the skirt consisted of was actually ripped during the bout, and returned to President Garfield in that state.

If anyone has extra information on the skirt, please let me know. I will update on any further developments, so watch this space.

Though the tattoos and screaming may suggest otherwise, rollergirls are a friendly bunch. Offer someone your skate tool and they’ll happily chat to you all the way through practice, blissfully oblivious of the coach’s drill - or at least pretending to be.

When I was a derby baby, I found that from time to time, normally approachable skaters would completely clam up. My greetings would go unreturned and my quips ignored (I KNOW!).

As I progressed, I realised why this was. As effortless as derby seems to the bright-eyed rookies, there’s a lot to think about; sometimes you just don’t have the brain capacity for small talk.

There are plenty of times when rollergirls are too preoccupied to be decent conversationalists. Maybe they’re working on the perfect transition, maybe just trying to get their toes to stop cramping. It varies from skater to skater and scenario to scenario, but there are a few times that from experience, are not the best to seek quality repartee.

When Watching A Game

It’s not that rollergirls stay quiet when watching  a game. Infact, they produce a variety of noises. Screaming themselves hoarse. Quietly weeping. Combinations of the two. Whether the game is emotionally charged or just scouting out the competition, it’s not the time to chat. It isokay to say things; mumbling ‘not the box again’ or wailing ‘what’s wrong with the referrees?” is fully acceptable. Just don’t expect a reply.

Bathroom breaks during a scrimmage

Trying to roll in and out of the bathroom within the thirty seconds between jams is hard enough without talking. You’re trying to get your wrist guards off, trying not to slide over wet patches on the floor or bump into anyone in your haste.

The last time I went to the bathroom during a bout I dropped my wristguard and it fell into a sink that someone had filled with water. (Why would someone do that? Why? Why?) If someone had tried to talk to me then, I’d have thrown that soggy wristguard at them in petulant fury.

The Penalty Box

Any attempts at conversation in the penalty box are met with a stone cold glare. A rollergirl may physically be in the box, but her mind is still firmly on track. This is not the time to remark on how many times she’s been in the box or make jokes about her criminal behaviour. It’s sometimes okay to commiserate about a poor ref call, but personally, the only thing I want to hear  when I’m in the box is “905, done”.

Image by ChinaBlade.